It's all about The Dirt:

“To really ask is to open the door to the whirlwind. The answer may annihilate the question and the questioner.”
~ Anne Rice

Inner depth and movement trigger the questions of asking, like a springboard of life. Then the questions lead to answers that are even beyond our realm of imagination. We ask, we ask again, then ask some more… but until we are ready to really ACT on answers is when “ah ha” truly happens.

What is the answer? What truly happens?

Inner freedom is peace within ourselves. No one else leads our solo journey of life when we allow ourselves to choose what to do with the lessons we are given. We can accept wisdom from all the divine places and people that bless our lives… if we listen. Those pearls of wisdom come from everywhere: The earth, words, eyes, touch, a book, a ride, a simple ritual; all moments in time that suspend us for a seconds or longer in true bliss.

What are some paths to the answers?

Stop talking and listen. Look at someone, deeply. Smile to brighten a spirit or send love. Think about kindness, gentleness, compassion and wear it every day like a badge of honor. Breathe IN the solid air that sends your legs running up a mountain full of bounding energy. Breathe OUT knowing you expand your consciousness in living each time. We are interconnected with substance; we all have hearts, souls and love to give. Every one of us is fully equipped to get all the answers we need for our inner freedom if we let… it… in.

“What am I supposed to learn today?”

My first sign was on my sunset trail run in town, I came across some deer making their way down a cliff to graze on the sparse grass that wasn’t covered in snow. I went one way on the trail, and they went the other. I came around a switchback to find another doe and a big buck with his big rack. I almost ran into them as they were coming onto the trail. We were all surprised, but there was little fear in us. It was as if I ran into a friend and we waved hi as we crossed paths. There was no intention of harm. I sent them love and went on my way running into the freshly fallen snow.

My second sign was watching “The Secret Life of Bees” snuggled up my daughter Elle. It came to the part where Lily meets the bees for the first time. August lifts the tray loaded with bees, and Lily closes her eyes and waves her hand over the bees to send them love… love.

My ASK of the day was given, my purpose of the moment was uncovered in the most apparent way because I listened. So I did… I sent love to myself, my family, my friends, my strangers, my buck, my feet for getting me to run. I sent love to my heart and fingers for writing this.

What’s next, I ask? I guess I’ll find out tomorrow… and intentionally act upon it!!

“The man (woman) never feels the want of what it never occurs to him to ask for.” ~Arthur Schopenhauer

Photo credit

It’s a dirt roller coaster and I’m 12 all over again.

The climb: The heart-thumping anticipation of the click, click, click, click as I crank up…
➠ the pedals on my feet
➠ head up, eyes glued
➠ steady and focus on my line
➠ hit the tippy top, and down I gooooo

…one finger on each brake can be my best friend, or my worst enemy.

But when the view is vast, the trail is straight and the line is clear, I let it rip! That feeling of letting go of the brakes and the bike really floats over anything. The tension in my hands ease and euphoria begins to seep into my veins. Open up the brakes and the wheels fly over rocky terrain with reckless abandon. Speed is my friend, and momentum gives me courage.

A good descent on a trail is like a song that’s easy to dance to. Let go and feel…

➠ the rhythm of the rocks,
➠ the flow of corners,
➠ the beat of the roots,
➠ the wind whistling in your ear,
➠ the leaves cheering you on and giving you hi-fives as you whiz by.

Let you and the bike be one as you ride hi on a berm, leave the earth as you leap off of a jump and let the dust fly in your path.

That’s life: To let your brakes go and get into a positive rhythm. Don’t let the doom and gloom be a rock in the trail that takes you down. Brakes do have a purpose just like caution does… but to live life in gridlock (because the world tells you so) has no purpose.

Have the guts to let go of the brake, and you will soar to the dreamy place of living your inner truth.

Solo mind and body
Cows munching

Wind resisting me
Fast, tan legs

Conscious breath
Rollers to play on

Sunshine all over
Silky road

Little cars
Sunflower smiles

Dodging grasshoppers
Deep, brown cattails

Horse tails sweeping in the wind
Birds flying overhead

Leaves blowing
River flowing

A tailwind to sail me home

Electric sky
Raindrop in my eye

~ Julie Feilen

… clearly one of my Top 10 spins

Photo courtesy of Chris Jules

Okay, I have “gym phobia”, or an aversion to participating in any group class that is contained inside a building with stifled air. I began to examine why, so I go back into my 20’s (it doesn’t feel like that long ago) when “Flashdance”, aerobics and Madonna were hip and happenin’.

Traveling down my checkered past, I stumble upon an old life of “the gym”, or rather “the club”. First of all, it was necessary to have the hottest lookin’ outfit, as if it was a modeling runway of sorts: The leotard, the pants, the latest and greatest aerobic shoes, and the bang hairdo with a scrunchie. “The club” was a full-on 80’s style, nightclub gym. Complete with flashing lights, mirrors everywhere, carpeting pieced together in bright swirls, hip-hop music, bar and extremely attractive people everywhere. I always thought the overweight folks who cared to join had a LOT of guts being surrounded by the Barbie-doll women and buff, Ken-men. It was a real, live “meat market”.

All this was such a vanity world that I never realized I was a part of. The striving for perfection was oozing out of the walls, and I made that my home away from home? Six to seven days a week, I would pour my sweat out for a 30 min. warm-up on the stairmaster, feeling like it was a never-ending effort on steps to nowhere. Then fly into the aerobics room for an hour with 30 competitive women looking to get the highest kick and the best form at the highest intensity. For an activity that was in the dark with loud, 80’s music and flashing lights, it was an all-out battle to see who could keep up with the moves and power of the aerobic instructor. This was a “performance” because the entire back was enclosed in glass around the indoor track.

I think back and wonder why I did it. Really this was my first competitive sport… the aerobics room.

After the cloud of steamy sweat lifted out of the room, it was time to move onto weights. Nothing big or burly for me, just toning for about 45 min. Then about an hour run around the track, surrounded by more mirrors, parading me through the meaty part of the club, the bodybuilders all pumped up with their big weights and steroids, smelling testosterone in the air. A 20 min. stretch and cool down topped out the day, and I was ready to go home and eat. Almost every day… where’s the balance, fresh air and sunshine?

Almost every day, I went from a bus to and “el” train to a classroom or work, then back to go sweat in a building and exercise, with the pressure of competing and comparing.

I don’t want to be inside to play anymore!!!

I don’t want to compete on the floor, in a square room with over-
stimulating, fluorescent lights and some fake, pretend-you’re-outside music. The feeling is centered around comparing yourself to someone else, not being with you and your soul to find your true inner self, physically and emotionally.

When I ride, hike, ski, feel the sun on my face, smell the abundant air, this is when I feel alive. Not when I’m competing with somebody sardined next to me in a room so we all can fit. I’m game in a peloton, but being outside totally contributes to the entire experience: To ride alongside the road and see the sunflowers smile at you… to get a brisk wind in your face reminding you to push harder… to brush silky leaves as you whirl by… to stop at a log in the trail and breathe, hear and smell.

That’s what a full-body experience is made of… for me.

I know there’s a time and place for the gym when the weather is frigid and the snow is piling. To be able to put on shorts in the middle of winter has its warming qualities for sure. But there’s always something missing… a deep sense of a full body immersion into self while sweating, digging and powering. That’s why I like to play outside all year long. I’m so grateful that I can.

You’ll find me at the gym, but don’t expect me to be soulfully fulfilled in a box.

(photo credit)