It's all about The Dirt:

“To really ask is to open the door to the whirlwind. The answer may annihilate the question and the questioner.”
~ Anne Rice

Inner depth and movement trigger the questions of asking, like a springboard of life. Then the questions lead to answers that are even beyond our realm of imagination. We ask, we ask again, then ask some more… but until we are ready to really ACT on answers is when “ah ha” truly happens.

What is the answer? What truly happens?

Inner freedom is peace within ourselves. No one else leads our solo journey of life when we allow ourselves to choose what to do with the lessons we are given. We can accept wisdom from all the divine places and people that bless our lives… if we listen. Those pearls of wisdom come from everywhere: The earth, words, eyes, touch, a book, a ride, a simple ritual; all moments in time that suspend us for a seconds or longer in true bliss.

What are some paths to the answers?

Stop talking and listen. Look at someone, deeply. Smile to brighten a spirit or send love. Think about kindness, gentleness, compassion and wear it every day like a badge of honor. Breathe IN the solid air that sends your legs running up a mountain full of bounding energy. Breathe OUT knowing you expand your consciousness in living each time. We are interconnected with substance; we all have hearts, souls and love to give. Every one of us is fully equipped to get all the answers we need for our inner freedom if we let… it… in.

“What am I supposed to learn today?”

My first sign was on my sunset trail run in town, I came across some deer making their way down a cliff to graze on the sparse grass that wasn’t covered in snow. I went one way on the trail, and they went the other. I came around a switchback to find another doe and a big buck with his big rack. I almost ran into them as they were coming onto the trail. We were all surprised, but there was little fear in us. It was as if I ran into a friend and we waved hi as we crossed paths. There was no intention of harm. I sent them love and went on my way running into the freshly fallen snow.

My second sign was watching “The Secret Life of Bees” snuggled up my daughter Elle. It came to the part where Lily meets the bees for the first time. August lifts the tray loaded with bees, and Lily closes her eyes and waves her hand over the bees to send them love… love.

My ASK of the day was given, my purpose of the moment was uncovered in the most apparent way because I listened. So I did… I sent love to myself, my family, my friends, my strangers, my buck, my feet for getting me to run. I sent love to my heart and fingers for writing this.

What’s next, I ask? I guess I’ll find out tomorrow… and intentionally act upon it!!

“The man (woman) never feels the want of what it never occurs to him to ask for.” ~Arthur Schopenhauer

Photo credit

Okay, I have “gym phobia”, or an aversion to participating in any group class that is contained inside a building with stifled air. I began to examine why, so I go back into my 20’s (it doesn’t feel like that long ago) when “Flashdance”, aerobics and Madonna were hip and happenin’.

Traveling down my checkered past, I stumble upon an old life of “the gym”, or rather “the club”. First of all, it was necessary to have the hottest lookin’ outfit, as if it was a modeling runway of sorts: The leotard, the pants, the latest and greatest aerobic shoes, and the bang hairdo with a scrunchie. “The club” was a full-on 80’s style, nightclub gym. Complete with flashing lights, mirrors everywhere, carpeting pieced together in bright swirls, hip-hop music, bar and extremely attractive people everywhere. I always thought the overweight folks who cared to join had a LOT of guts being surrounded by the Barbie-doll women and buff, Ken-men. It was a real, live “meat market”.

All this was such a vanity world that I never realized I was a part of. The striving for perfection was oozing out of the walls, and I made that my home away from home? Six to seven days a week, I would pour my sweat out for a 30 min. warm-up on the stairmaster, feeling like it was a never-ending effort on steps to nowhere. Then fly into the aerobics room for an hour with 30 competitive women looking to get the highest kick and the best form at the highest intensity. For an activity that was in the dark with loud, 80’s music and flashing lights, it was an all-out battle to see who could keep up with the moves and power of the aerobic instructor. This was a “performance” because the entire back was enclosed in glass around the indoor track.

I think back and wonder why I did it. Really this was my first competitive sport… the aerobics room.

After the cloud of steamy sweat lifted out of the room, it was time to move onto weights. Nothing big or burly for me, just toning for about 45 min. Then about an hour run around the track, surrounded by more mirrors, parading me through the meaty part of the club, the bodybuilders all pumped up with their big weights and steroids, smelling testosterone in the air. A 20 min. stretch and cool down topped out the day, and I was ready to go home and eat. Almost every day… where’s the balance, fresh air and sunshine?

Almost every day, I went from a bus to and “el” train to a classroom or work, then back to go sweat in a building and exercise, with the pressure of competing and comparing.

I don’t want to be inside to play anymore!!!

I don’t want to compete on the floor, in a square room with over-
stimulating, fluorescent lights and some fake, pretend-you’re-outside music. The feeling is centered around comparing yourself to someone else, not being with you and your soul to find your true inner self, physically and emotionally.

When I ride, hike, ski, feel the sun on my face, smell the abundant air, this is when I feel alive. Not when I’m competing with somebody sardined next to me in a room so we all can fit. I’m game in a peloton, but being outside totally contributes to the entire experience: To ride alongside the road and see the sunflowers smile at you… to get a brisk wind in your face reminding you to push harder… to brush silky leaves as you whirl by… to stop at a log in the trail and breathe, hear and smell.

That’s what a full-body experience is made of… for me.

I know there’s a time and place for the gym when the weather is frigid and the snow is piling. To be able to put on shorts in the middle of winter has its warming qualities for sure. But there’s always something missing… a deep sense of a full body immersion into self while sweating, digging and powering. That’s why I like to play outside all year long. I’m so grateful that I can.

You’ll find me at the gym, but don’t expect me to be soulfully fulfilled in a box.

(photo credit)

We can all do our share to redeem the world in spite of all absurdities and all frustrations and all disappointments.
~ Abraham Heshel

There is no way to peace. Peace is the way.
~ A.J. Muste

Imagine all the people
Living life in peace.
You may say I’m a dreamer,
But I’m not the only one.
I hope someday you’ll join us,
And the world will be as one.
~ John Lennon

“…the practice of conventional medicine actually generates more illness than health. Its methods rarely result in cures and are more likely to only temporarily alleviate or worse, to suppress the illness. This is a function of a quick-fix culture that has little patience for actual methods of healing that could produce long-term well-being. When disease is suppressed it may appear to be resolved, but it often smolders silently under the surface until it re-emerges, usually in more problematic form. This, too, parallels our societal proclivity to bury our truest needs and issues as we instead give paramount attention to matters of image and the pursuit of the material dream of wealth and security.”

-Larry Malerba, D.O. from Green Medicine

If the bulls eye photo doesn’t make you dizzy enough, then all the meds and health info will. There is such a clash of health culture right now that tells us we need to stand our ground and demand results, not patching us up to make us look healthy.