It's all about The Dirt:

“To really ask is to open the door to the whirlwind. The answer may annihilate the question and the questioner.”
~ Anne Rice

Inner depth and movement trigger the questions of asking, like a springboard of life. Then the questions lead to answers that are even beyond our realm of imagination. We ask, we ask again, then ask some more… but until we are ready to really ACT on answers is when “ah ha” truly happens.

What is the answer? What truly happens?

Inner freedom is peace within ourselves. No one else leads our solo journey of life when we allow ourselves to choose what to do with the lessons we are given. We can accept wisdom from all the divine places and people that bless our lives… if we listen. Those pearls of wisdom come from everywhere: The earth, words, eyes, touch, a book, a ride, a simple ritual; all moments in time that suspend us for a seconds or longer in true bliss.

What are some paths to the answers?

Stop talking and listen. Look at someone, deeply. Smile to brighten a spirit or send love. Think about kindness, gentleness, compassion and wear it every day like a badge of honor. Breathe IN the solid air that sends your legs running up a mountain full of bounding energy. Breathe OUT knowing you expand your consciousness in living each time. We are interconnected with substance; we all have hearts, souls and love to give. Every one of us is fully equipped to get all the answers we need for our inner freedom if we let… it… in.

“What am I supposed to learn today?”

My first sign was on my sunset trail run in town, I came across some deer making their way down a cliff to graze on the sparse grass that wasn’t covered in snow. I went one way on the trail, and they went the other. I came around a switchback to find another doe and a big buck with his big rack. I almost ran into them as they were coming onto the trail. We were all surprised, but there was little fear in us. It was as if I ran into a friend and we waved hi as we crossed paths. There was no intention of harm. I sent them love and went on my way running into the freshly fallen snow.

My second sign was watching “The Secret Life of Bees” snuggled up my daughter Elle. It came to the part where Lily meets the bees for the first time. August lifts the tray loaded with bees, and Lily closes her eyes and waves her hand over the bees to send them love… love.

My ASK of the day was given, my purpose of the moment was uncovered in the most apparent way because I listened. So I did… I sent love to myself, my family, my friends, my strangers, my buck, my feet for getting me to run. I sent love to my heart and fingers for writing this.

What’s next, I ask? I guess I’ll find out tomorrow… and intentionally act upon it!!

“The man (woman) never feels the want of what it never occurs to him to ask for.” ~Arthur Schopenhauer

Photo credit

Solo mind and body
Cows munching

Wind resisting me
Fast, tan legs

Conscious breath
Rollers to play on

Sunshine all over
Silky road

Little cars
Sunflower smiles

Dodging grasshoppers
Deep, brown cattails

Horse tails sweeping in the wind
Birds flying overhead

Leaves blowing
River flowing

A tailwind to sail me home

Electric sky
Raindrop in my eye

~ Julie Feilen

… clearly one of my Top 10 spins

Photo courtesy of Chris Jules

Okay, I have “gym phobia”, or an aversion to participating in any group class that is contained inside a building with stifled air. I began to examine why, so I go back into my 20’s (it doesn’t feel like that long ago) when “Flashdance”, aerobics and Madonna were hip and happenin’.

Traveling down my checkered past, I stumble upon an old life of “the gym”, or rather “the club”. First of all, it was necessary to have the hottest lookin’ outfit, as if it was a modeling runway of sorts: The leotard, the pants, the latest and greatest aerobic shoes, and the bang hairdo with a scrunchie. “The club” was a full-on 80’s style, nightclub gym. Complete with flashing lights, mirrors everywhere, carpeting pieced together in bright swirls, hip-hop music, bar and extremely attractive people everywhere. I always thought the overweight folks who cared to join had a LOT of guts being surrounded by the Barbie-doll women and buff, Ken-men. It was a real, live “meat market”.

All this was such a vanity world that I never realized I was a part of. The striving for perfection was oozing out of the walls, and I made that my home away from home? Six to seven days a week, I would pour my sweat out for a 30 min. warm-up on the stairmaster, feeling like it was a never-ending effort on steps to nowhere. Then fly into the aerobics room for an hour with 30 competitive women looking to get the highest kick and the best form at the highest intensity. For an activity that was in the dark with loud, 80’s music and flashing lights, it was an all-out battle to see who could keep up with the moves and power of the aerobic instructor. This was a “performance” because the entire back was enclosed in glass around the indoor track.

I think back and wonder why I did it. Really this was my first competitive sport… the aerobics room.

After the cloud of steamy sweat lifted out of the room, it was time to move onto weights. Nothing big or burly for me, just toning for about 45 min. Then about an hour run around the track, surrounded by more mirrors, parading me through the meaty part of the club, the bodybuilders all pumped up with their big weights and steroids, smelling testosterone in the air. A 20 min. stretch and cool down topped out the day, and I was ready to go home and eat. Almost every day… where’s the balance, fresh air and sunshine?

Almost every day, I went from a bus to and “el” train to a classroom or work, then back to go sweat in a building and exercise, with the pressure of competing and comparing.

I don’t want to be inside to play anymore!!!

I don’t want to compete on the floor, in a square room with over-
stimulating, fluorescent lights and some fake, pretend-you’re-outside music. The feeling is centered around comparing yourself to someone else, not being with you and your soul to find your true inner self, physically and emotionally.

When I ride, hike, ski, feel the sun on my face, smell the abundant air, this is when I feel alive. Not when I’m competing with somebody sardined next to me in a room so we all can fit. I’m game in a peloton, but being outside totally contributes to the entire experience: To ride alongside the road and see the sunflowers smile at you… to get a brisk wind in your face reminding you to push harder… to brush silky leaves as you whirl by… to stop at a log in the trail and breathe, hear and smell.

That’s what a full-body experience is made of… for me.

I know there’s a time and place for the gym when the weather is frigid and the snow is piling. To be able to put on shorts in the middle of winter has its warming qualities for sure. But there’s always something missing… a deep sense of a full body immersion into self while sweating, digging and powering. That’s why I like to play outside all year long. I’m so grateful that I can.

You’ll find me at the gym, but don’t expect me to be soulfully fulfilled in a box.

(photo credit)

Ride = feel productively tired, buzzed and happy. Don’t ride = feel crabby, antsy and caged. Simple stuff.

“Cycling, it’s one of those sports you can do eight hours a day. You’re going to be tired at the end, but if you did an eight-hour run you wouldn’t run again for a week. I think people are better, smarter, more present and more patient when they’ve done some type of exercise — that goes for an eight-year-old and a 68-year-old — and I need more, perhaps more than most people, to get the results I want. Bike racing is the thing that provides me with the most balance.” –Lance Armstrong

People pay big money on meds and therapists for the pleasant “high” you get from a bike ride. Whether you are the cruiser type or serious cyclist, the velo buzz runs deep… deep into the core of the mind and body to produce endorphins, burn calories and bond with the outdoors.

My recent high country, endurance ride told me so. Dang, that ride was tough… but fun! Climb, then climb, then climb until the legs and lungs scream “are we there yet?” But to bask in the views, have the silky plants and flowers brush your legs as you pedal past, and to breathe in the green aromas puts you in a state of pure euphoria… mmmmmm. Dodging the killer rocks, planting myself in a bush and digging a pedal in my shin, it was all good. So good. I stopped and looked over at my friend who is well-seasoned with the “high” country and said “This makes you tough.” She said “Yep, that’s why I like it.”

Nope, I’m not crazy. There are many others, so that makes me sane. The velo buzz is alive and well. Check out this info from studies they’ve done (taken from from bicycling.com, an article called “Really Done” by Bill Strickland):

“Afterward, I researched the idea he (Lance) was talking about and confirmed that this is not just some idiosyncratic theory of the good life Armstrong has cooked up as justification. There are some scientific indications that because cycling combines sustained aerobic exercise with complex brain functions such as balance, timing and spatial awareness, it might be ideally suited to soothe the brain. In a 2008 study of 115 students at the Humboldt University of Berlin’s Institute of Sport Science, students who engaged in 10 minutes of exercise that required complex, highly coordinated movements performed better on a test measuring attention and concentration than students who did simpler aerobic exercise. (And both groups tested better than when they hadn’t exercised.) Another study at Vanderbilt University found that after performing short, complex exercises that emphasized balance and quick reaction and decision making — all descriptors of what it takes to navigate a race peloton — adults were 40 percent more successful at solving a puzzle than when trying to do so after being idle. In a 2005 survey of clinical trials and research held at a conference in Washington, D.C., among the presentations from scientists from Georgetown University, Johns Hopkins, the University of Wisconsin and Duke University Medical School were findings that the changes in the brain activity of meditating monks are directly comparable to the changes that occur during the act of pedaling a bicycle.”

Get out and ride. Feel the wind in your face, bugs in your teeth from grinning ear-to-ear, and enjoy the scenery. If it’s raining, smell the sweet air, get dirty flinging mud everywhere (if you don’t, go faster) and splash in the puddles. Be a kid… we still really are, but just in a bigger body.

Prove it. Live it. Enjoy it.